An Army of One

It began when I was having a conversation at the register with store patron and buddy Ken. As I was checking him out, I somehow managed to raise-- again, because it's often on my mind-- the issue of my inadequacies contributing to a postapocalyptic society. Never thought about it yourself? I hadn't either until I read Max Brooks' essential World War Z last year, and then my view of my personal worth changed entirely. And not for the better.
I was pointing out the very few merits I would have as a citizen in a society that was rebuilding itself from zero. I can't sew; I can't cook; I can't cultivate plant life; my grasp of physics is very weak, so building anything is out; hell, I can't even make a fire. I'm not particularly physically strong, but as Brooks points out, I might be sturdy enough to bury the legions of dead. I tastefully skirted the issue of repopulation (hey, I'm a lady pre- or post-zombie holocaust).
Ken, surely caught off guard by guilt-ridden babblings parried gamely with "Well, it's not as if you can go to school for this kind of stuff."
And something clicked.
What if you could? Why not prepare now? Some of us maybe aren't so great at reading those disaster preparedness PDF's and getting the duffel bags of batteries, clean water and billy clubs together on the weekends. How about some real training? I'm talking about something like a summer camp, a week or two long. Offer two courses: THE APOCALYPSE: SURVIVAL TECHNIQUES and THE APOCALYPSE: HOW TO REBUILD CIVILIZATION. Learn from the pro's: Navy S.E.A.L.'s, Army Rangers and Special Forces badasses, Red Cross veterans, civil and electrical engineers, tenth generation farmers, medical trauma professionals, Survivorman and sherpas. And that's just to name a few. Learn hot tips like How To Fortify a Wal-Mart Against Attack; Foraging in the Urban Wild; and When a Friend Turns. Drop a few pounds, get right with the world and get some focus. Because whatever it is you're doing in your cubicle right now isn't doing us any real good.
And then, when the zombies hit, you could be ready to roll.
Interested parties PayPal your seed funding to me immediately. This idea has G-E-N-I-U-S written all over it. Be a part of tomorrow's Imperial Future Zombie Liquidation Army and Reconstruction Force... today.
-AJ


























